maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
