my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
