All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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