god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
