There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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