We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
