I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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