She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
