How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
