ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
