I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
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I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
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When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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