I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
