I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Damn victory sex feels great
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
