Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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