Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So apparently I’m into choking now
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