3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm like, not good at living.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
