I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize