My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
