Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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