There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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