i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
