i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
