At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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