Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
