Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
