I heard we made out
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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