I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
