I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my shit smells like andre
So many bounce houses so little time
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
