Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
