I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
