420 ftw
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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