Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
