Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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