Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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