i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Everyone says I win the strip club
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
