I wish I could punch you in the face.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
