walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
