so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.