Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook