I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?