I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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