i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
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I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
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Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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