that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
