I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
