Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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