I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
