He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
