And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
