Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
