K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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