yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
