that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
