R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
