no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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