Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
