My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Who died my cat blue again?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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