Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
