I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
