Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
