When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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