Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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