there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
