i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
