I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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