Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
