Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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