if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
