booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
