Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
