I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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