I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
