i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
