don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize