They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
