Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
