like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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