someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
