happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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