Swine flu. Run for my life!
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
