thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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