u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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