Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
