its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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