but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
